The Struggle to Love

As I turn from my sins and turn closer to God, I see just how evil I truly am. I slowly see the darkness of my own heart and how much I suck at what once seemed simple.

Like love.

I don’t mean the love I show for God or even my wife and daughter.

It is my love for my fellow man and those I spend my time with.

You never realize how difficult it is to love someone, especially someone you are close with.

But I absolutely suck at it.

I find that the smallest things aggravating and controlling my anger is getting harder. Maybe it is because I am tired or because work as brought me to the end of my rope or because I am caught off-guard by the behavior.

But as C.S. Lewis pointed out, being caught off-guard is no excuse because being caught off-guard means we see the real person underneath because we do not have time to compose ourselves.

He likened it to there being cockroaches in the basement. The only way to actually see them is if we catch them off-guard.

Regardless, I am absolutely terrible at being a good person.

But that’s the point of the Gospel, isn’t it? That we are incapable of being good?

John tells us that the only reason we love is because God loved us first (1 John 4:19).

Each and every day, I am learning what is by far the most important lesson in the life of the Christian:

We can do nothing on our own (John 15:5).

I am 30 years old and I have been a Christian for about 18 of those years. And it has taken me this long to fully grasp the truth of this.

I am constantly needing to seek God for strength, love, peace, and rest, all things I can not provide for myself.

You see, we are incapable of being good people. We are sinners through and through and we must be something else. To borrow the phrase from Oliver Queen, we must become someone else.

We are always learning how to be more like Christ.

His yoke is easy and His burden is light, but the Way of the Cross is hard and requires constant submission to God.

For those who are younger than me, learn this lesson quickly. We can not change on our own. We need God or we will fail.

For those who are older and have not yet learned this lesson, learn it quickly. Don’t let it beat you over the head.

We are incapable of any good and any perfection.

Every day is a struggle.

We need God to help us do the things that are difficult for us.

I pray we remember this every day.

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