Over the past few months, I’ve been chasing dreams, chasing people, chasing situations that I never should have chased.
Not because they were wrong to chase, and not because they were necessarily bad things or people to chase, but because they were wrong for me. In the moment, I never realized that. I kept chasing, pursuing, running and pushing, all the while losing myself, losing my identity, and honestly, becoming a worse person for it all. I’m not going to go into details because that information is for me and the people involved.
God knows I wanted those things. But I never got them, because they just weren’t for me.
Over the past week, I realize just how much energy was wasted chasing those things. I realized just how slowly I was being killed by these pursuits, how much they exhausted me, and just how much I was changing, and not for the better.
I began to pray again. I prayed for things to change, for things to get better. I prayed that God would help me to leave my past in the past, learn from my mistakes and experiences, and set me free. And He slowly is.
I think, if God were to free me all at once, if He were to break down these walls as suddenly as He did the walls of Jericho, it would leave me numb, speechless and dumb-founded. I think that’s where I should be, personally, but thankfully God doesn’t see it that way.
So, I’m leaving it all behind. The worthless dreams, the endless pursuits, the tireless sleep.
I ask the people that I encountered and enjoyed during the past few months to not judge me too harshly for this sudden change. But I’ve tried so much to find meaning, and I find my meaning, my life, my freedom, in God.
It’s time I realized that and lived my life for Him and through Him.
You can spend your whole life,
Chasin what’s missing,
But that empty inside,
It just ain’t gonna listen.
When nothing can satisfy,
And the world leaves you high and dry,
Just come to the well
And all who thirst will thirst no more,
And all who search will find what their souls long for,
The world will try, but it can never fill,
So leave it all behind, and come to the well